the day after

no sleep
though the apnea scores show that when I do sleep
I might as well not have
I go through the day almost mechanically
missing by the gears that slip
and the ideas that drift away before I can press them
between my pen and my paper
just a vague sense of what's to come

but I lost my keys
had two friends and a locked car
in a midnight parking garage
didn't panic
(nearly didn't engage)
slowly pieced together the single weak link
that I had executed flawlessly
called a friend
rode home
no crisis

I have the same sense of non-crisis now
could it be the non-attachment I have lusted after
(that, in itself, belying my understanding of the state)
but just the same
I don't need to panic
just plod along when that's all I can muster
allow inspiration to sneak in when it can
fill in most of the blanks
set out a plate of cookies for serendipity

then off to New York
hit the hard reboot
start over
refreshed
ready to jump in again